#80: Toilets

Replace duck, with poop.

Toilets in many establishments I have frequented are sub par. Not only this but in most places, you also have to pay for the privilege of using the toilet, in anywhere from shopping centres, to restaurants and train stations.

I have always been of the opinion that you can gauge an establishment’s overall level of hygiene by the cleanliness of its toilets. If the toilets are immaculate, then likely so is the kitchen, but I digress.

When I’m not inspecting toilets for the cleanliness, I am normally making swift use of the facilities and the thing about a large number of toilet bowls in Germany is, that it’s very common for you to have to crap onto a shelf. Apparently, the way German toilets are designed is to allow you to poo onto a ledge in the bowl, so that prior to flushing the water away you can examine your poo. This is left over from the days where eating poorly refrigerated cold meats could leave you with worms or worse. Lovely.

Of course in the UK and for that matter, most places around the world, you crap into the water. This does a couple of things, it ensures that a particularly long poo remains relatively smell free, it also gives you some separation from your deposit when wiping.

My advice is to courtesy flush yourself half way through. Crapping onto a small shelf is not a pretty sight, smell, or experience.

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